


ever  r e c e d i n g

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-18
Updated: 2013-02-18
Packaged: 2017-11-29 18:40:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/690189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jade Harley has the most beautiful green eyes you've ever seen, bright and full of laughter and love. You could stare into them for hours upon hours - you've been under her spell since the first time you saw them in person, but the light is fading, you're watching it slowly leave her eyes and there's not a thing you can do about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	ever  r e c e d i n g

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so sorry

 

_you're like the snow in spring_

-a silent film-

 

The game is over, you defeated Lord English - it's finally done and you couldn't be more relieved. You celebrate with friends new and old and everything is okay and you're happy for the first time in sweeps because she's there and she's perfect and _you're perfect_ \- and then everything goes dark. Your stomach drops to your feet - you realize that you don't _have_ any feet - you're screaming her name and throwing every ounce of concentration into reaching out, willing yourself into movement - you lose consciousness.

You open your eyes to a searing white light that practically blinds you as it scorches your already worn out retinas. When you're finally able to see again you're somewhere unfamiliar, alone - all you can see is white, white everywhere, and as the feeling returns to your body and you start to remember what _having_ a body feels like, you're suddenly very aware that you're very cold.

You're surrounding by cold, wet, white _stuff_ \- you don't know what it is but you think it must be from Hell, because holy _fuck_ is it cold. You manage to regain enough control of your limbs to scramble to your feet - you look around wildly, but you don't recognize a single thing you see. You're near the border of some kind of forest, and the ground is covered with white stuff. In the distance you can just make out a large white building, and you think you can hear a brook or a stream nearby.

"Hello? Where the ever-loving _fuck is_ everyone?"

Your voice rings out in the silent air, but there's no response. You shiver. The silence is sinister and oppressive and you can't stand it, so you grumble to yourself as you make your way towards the white house you saw in the distance. You wrap your arms around yourself, trying to hide away as much warmth as you can because holy _shit_ is it cold and your fingers are going numb. You approach the house but you're starting to realize that's it's not a house, but rather more like a small, modern castle nestled not beside a stream like you were expecting, but settled on top of the stream. A bulbous white tower reaches towards the impossibly blue sky and you have to shield your eyes because there's sunlight everywhere.

You hiss but, contrary to your expectations the sun ignores your sensitive skin, so you ignore it. You stomp up to the house but your not really sure where the door is, so you walk around until you find one (and it's unlocked, to your intense relief). You open the door slowly, a little wary after spending so much of your time constantly on guard - it's empty, and deathly still in multiple senses of the word. There are strange statues and dusty bookshelves covering ever conceivable surface but as far as you know it's been a long time since anything living has been here.

You call out again, startled by the sound of your own voice. It feels wrong somehow - like the house is some kind of precious, ancient sanctuary, and you're disturbing its peace. You don't want to disturb its peace, so you make every effort to be completely silent as you move through the house. You feel like a burglar sneaking around like that but it seems more proper.

You're exploring the tower - an observatory, it appears - when you hear a noise from downstairs. Your shoulders tense and your breath catches in your throat - you figure it's either someone who wants to kill you or one of your friends, who you haven't seen in God knows how long - you can't decide which option is worse.

You creep down the stairs silent as a ghost, your fingers itching to feel the rough grip of your beloved scythe - instead you clutch at the soft material of your sweater anxiously.

You can make out the noises now - frantic shuffling and muffled swearing, and it sounds familiar - your heart leaps in your chest at the possibility of it being who you think it is -

As you step around the corner to face the stranger you're aware of only one thing, and it's the flood of hope encompassing your entire body.

"Karkat!!!"

It's Jade Harley, in the flesh, and she's hurling herself at you and laughing and crying and shouting and you stand there dumbstruck because out of all the people to find you found _her -_ and you don't think you've ever been more happy than you are in that moment. You pull back, look into her bright green eyes (brimming with happy tears) and kiss her with fierce relief, which she returns.

You found each other. You retreat back into the shadows of the house and exchange 'I love you''s as the sun sets and you're okay, in fact you're perfect.

 

*

 

You find the others, eventually. Some of your friends are gone forever - you're learning to except that, and to appreciate the people you get to keep. You all bunk together at first, but after a few months of readjusting to a world that's been turned upside down you part and go your separate ways. You and Jade get an apartment in New York while she goes to college. John and Dave move down to Texas with Dirk, Roxy and Jane. Terezi and Gamzee scrounge together enough money to buy a rusty old VW bus (they drive away to God knows where muttering about 'motherfucking miracles').

Kanaya and Rose move into Rose's old house, the one that you and Jade found when they first arrived back on Earth. You and Jade don't mention exactly what went on in that house in the days before you found the others - you decide your lady friends don't need to know.

Everything is fine at first because you're all alive and you're back, you've made it to Earth somehow and it looks like you're going to be okay. You make the trip to Rose and Kanaya's ever weekend to watch movies and talk and laugh and cry - you need to be around people who know what you've gone through, because the rest of the world is oblivious. The rest come back whenever they have time in their hectic lifestyles. At first it's one a month, then every few months, now once or twice a year.

But you're recovering. She's recovering. Or so you think.

It's subtle, the change in Jade. If you didn't know her better than you know yourself you wouldn't have noticed, but it's there. Jade Harley has the most beautiful green eyes you've ever seen, bright and full of laughter and love. You could stare into them for hours upon hours - you've been under her spell since the first time you saw them in person. But the light is fading, you're watching it slowly leave her eyes and there's not a thing you can do about it. She's still herself but it's like pieces are missing, and you're trying everything to get them back but it's no use.

She pulls back and it hurts, it hurts so fucking much because you love her so much it's painful. You see it every time you kiss her, every time you stroke her hair and tell her you love her. You shower her with gifts and cradle her when she's crying and broken and take her to the island that she grew up on so she can run her hands over her telescopes and pay her respects to her grandfather but it's not enough, because Jade Harley is fading fast and you don't know what to do.

She tells you she's fine, that she's just tired, that she's not feeling well and you try to make yourself believe her, you really do. You take her to doctor after doctor and time after time they tell you she's fine, there's nothing wrong with her. You take her to see a psychologist but she's clean, she's sane and, as far as everyone else can tell, happy. You know better but no one will believe you, and she's tearing your heart apart because what can you do, how can you fix her?

She comes home from grocery shopping one day and finds you crying in the bathroom, broken down and defeated and she asks you what's wrong so you tell her. You're losing her and you don't know what to do. She just looks at you mildly, and something flickers in those beautiful green eyes but goes dark and she tells you flatly she doesn't know what you're talking about, she's never been happier because you're together. You almost choke.

When she goes it's quietly, free from pain and suffering. She takes four prescription sleeping pills and climbs into the bathtub, and when you find her she's cold and still and peaceful. Everyone flies in for the funeral and you don't know how you do it but you manage to hold yourself together for her service. John pulls you into a firm, crushing hug and then walks away stiffly. Dave grabs you by the shoulder and pulls you gently to him, lets you bury your head in his chest.

Kanaya stays with you the first couple of weeks, holds your hand and comforts you late at night when you wake screaming from the ever-present nightmares that terrorize you now more than ever. You want to curl up into a ball in the corner and never leave but you know she never would have wanted that - not your Jade. She would have wanted you to enjoy the beautiful world that you created and so you stuff your emotions down, move to Texas with John and Dave and do your best to live your life.

She's dead but you're still here - at long last the winter returns to spring and you grow strong once again in memory of your beautiful wild flower.


End file.
